amature comedy hour

I like to think of myself as a funny person. Those that know me, know that to be completely false. I'll occasionally share some o the crazy thoughts that run through my head in the late hours of the day as I'm drifting off to sleep. Today's topic oral sex and farts. Separately, both are acceptable, but under what circumstances can both occur at the same time? I've put some thought into the topic and here are my thoughts:

Situation 1: You're planning on a one night stand and you never want to see this person again. Is it OK to blast in this person's face while he/she is servicing you special places? The answer is Yes. As long as you are 'finishing' while you toot. You never want to see them again anyway, so hopfully a fart in the face will offend them enough to leave, thus saving you from performing oral on them.

Situation 2: You're dating someone that you want to persue a relationship with and are receiving oral for the first time. Is it ok to toot? NO. You will never see this person again if you give them a flatulant facial while they are performing this service for you.

Situation 3: You're dating someone that you want to persue a relationship with and are receiving oral for the first time. It is the most uncomfortable experience EVER. There is too much slobber and teeth scrapping is involved. Under these circumstances it is perfectly ok to give a blast, again as long as you are finishing (if you are able to). If your partner doesn't know how to perform, do you really want a lifetime of bad oral? Might as well end it here and now. A fart in the face saves you from an uncomfortable conversation and a tearful break up.

Situation 4: You are newly married and are receiving oral from your spouse for the first time after the wedding. Do not, I repeat, do NOT let loose. If you do, the first time will be the last time receiving oral from your new spouse. You'll have to go outside the marriage to get any tongue lovin' after committing that error. And I can garuntee that your spouse will go outside of the marriage after a stunt like that. Also, getting an anullment is WAY easier than a divorce. Don't be suprised if you are asked to sign some legal documents after farting in the face of your new spouse. Especially if it was moist.

Situation 5: Married a long time. It's you anniversary, and you are receiving your once a year enstallment of oral sex. In this case, it perfectly OK to blast away. However, it could generate 2 different responses. 1. If you love each other, your mate will already be used to your nasty habits and will probably even finish you off. If this is the case, be ready to repay the fillatio favor and be fully prepared for a retaliation volley while you are down there. It's only fair. 2. If you "love" each other and are basically going through the motions of marriage for the kids, expect your mate to stopp immediately, leave the house to "pick up something from the store", and run over to their lover's place to talk about what an asshole you are. If this is the case, it's OK because you'd rather be watching the game anyways.

Well, that's what I think about that. I hope you had a good laugh and are able to take home some good solid advice. You are now starting to realize that I'm a pretty big idiot and you may not want to ever read this blog again, right. I'm with you.