Why Buckets of Water Were Invented

I may have mentioned that Jessica's dad, his 'friend' James, Jessica's brother Toby, and Toby's girlfriend Jen were coming over for Christmas dinner. This was the plan, at least. What was not the plan was that James would bring his ex's yippie shit of a dog, Toby. (Not to be confused with Jessica's brother, Toby.) First off, as soon as the little shit (a miniature poodle and some other little shit dog mix) of a dog got in the door, it started yipping and yelping when our dogs were checking him out. Take the finger nails on chalk board sound, add a cat being strangled sound, mix them up, and make the sound ten times mote annoying and you get the sound that comes out of that rat-dog's mouth. I had to take some Advil for my head. Then, the little shit squeezed through our gate keeping our dogs out of the living room and he took a piss on the carpet. I wanted to kick it, but instead I picked him up to take him out and he continued to piss on my hand. It was the first time that I can remember being pissed on. I wanted to kill the fucker. Then, after it pissed on my carpet and pissed on me, James was letting it crawl all over our less than a year old couch without asking if it was OK to let the half crap of a dog be on the couch. We don't let our dogs on the couch, but apparently, James feels he can do what ever the fuck he wants in my house. Our dogs, seeing this little shit on the couch, started jumping on the couch to get to the little shit, so I yelled at them to get down. I thought that might be a hint to prompt James to ask if his "dog" could be on the couch, but no. He just let the piss factory stay on my $1000+ piece of furniture. Needless to say, I was in a grumpy mood because of this. How do you tell your father-in-law's 'friend' to get his half-turd of a canine to get the fuck off the furniture? If only I had a bucket of water and five minutes alone. Dogs smaller than cats should not exist.