Why Buckets of Water Were Invented

I may have mentioned that Jessica's dad, his 'friend' James, Jessica's brother Toby, and Toby's girlfriend Jen were coming over for Christmas dinner. This was the plan, at least. What was not the plan was that James would bring his ex's yippie shit of a dog, Toby. (Not to be confused with Jessica's brother, Toby.) First off, as soon as the little shit (a miniature poodle and some other little shit dog mix) of a dog got in the door, it started yipping and yelping when our dogs were checking him out. Take the finger nails on chalk board sound, add a cat being strangled sound, mix them up, and make the sound ten times mote annoying and you get the sound that comes out of that rat-dog's mouth. I had to take some Advil for my head. Then, the little shit squeezed through our gate keeping our dogs out of the living room and he took a piss on the carpet. I wanted to kick it, but instead I picked him up to take him out and he continued to piss on my hand. It was the first time that I can remember being pissed on. I wanted to kill the fucker. Then, after it pissed on my carpet and pissed on me, James was letting it crawl all over our less than a year old couch without asking if it was OK to let the half crap of a dog be on the couch. We don't let our dogs on the couch, but apparently, James feels he can do what ever the fuck he wants in my house. Our dogs, seeing this little shit on the couch, started jumping on the couch to get to the little shit, so I yelled at them to get down. I thought that might be a hint to prompt James to ask if his "dog" could be on the couch, but no. He just let the piss factory stay on my $1000+ piece of furniture. Needless to say, I was in a grumpy mood because of this. How do you tell your father-in-law's 'friend' to get his half-turd of a canine to get the fuck off the furniture? If only I had a bucket of water and five minutes alone. Dogs smaller than cats should not exist.

Oh The weather Outside is......FUCKING COLD!!!!

0. That was what my car's thermometer indicated. 0 degrees. Shit! We went to my parent's house for the weekend and were hoping that zero was the temp up in the Toledo area and Columbus was a bit warmer. Thank goodness we were right. 3. That is what my car said as we pulled into our driveway. BURR!!!!! Needless to say, the dogs haven't been enjoying the fact that they need to go out to pee and poo.

Anyway, we had a nice time at my parents' house. The kids LOVE going up there. They get to see my parents, who they love, and play with my 20+ year old Transformers and GI Joe toys. We also got to see my brother, his wife, and their baby Will (short for William). Will is cute and very sweet. I played with him for a litle while, which I would do normally (babies make me nervous) and I made him laugh alot. I guess he likes unkie Eric.

The kids were happy to be able to open presents early. Gabe got some Transfomers, Ally got a new doll house that she LOVES, and Noah got an Air Hog romote control plane that is broker already. I told him to hold it in the car, he didn't, an Moose (our dog) crunched it. He also got a PSP game that we plan on exchanging for a Nintendo DS game (we're getting him one of those). All in all, it was a fun trip. Too much food and too much drink. I definately need to diet when the holidays are over.

Stuff

Last night was a fun night. Yes, bowling night. I bowled well, played cards well, and almost won $1000+. The bowling lanes has a 'super strike' jackpot. If you bowl a strike every frame designated on a little piece of paper, you win the jackpot. I had all the striked needed the first game and the second game. And almost all the way through the third game. I needed strikes in the ninth and tenth frames.....three in a row. My ninth frame ball was perfect and solid in the pocket......and it left a solid seven pin. Solid. It sucked. Still I bowled well, 650+. It was also free drink night. Not all of our drinks were free, just one per bowler. We added a shot of tequilla to our usual pitchers of beer. I was then given another free drink coupon, so another shot.

Poker was fun too. I won $80. I am suprised about that since I got beat up on early in the night. I had AA and got my butt kicked by a full house. Then I started hitting hands and winning pots. Good times.

Ever see one of those cartoon falls?

You know, when the cartoon character hits a patch of ice, flies up into the air, and then falls flat on his back? That was me yesterday. Taking Gabe out to the bus stop, I was dumb and forgot about the freezing rain we had all night. I hit the first step outside out front door and went down like a ton of bricks, flat on my back. Needless to say, I am sore today. Really sore.It could have been a lot worse though. The things that helped:

-There are only three steps to our front door, so it was a relatively short trip.

-My momentum was enough to carry me all the way down, so I didn't hit my back or my head on one of the concrete steps.

-My feet went straight out and I didn't have time to react, so both my arms and legs were out of the way. If I landed on one of my arms or if my legs were under me, I could have broken or sprained something. Sure my back hurts, but a blown knee or broker arm would have hurt more.

-Better me than one of the kids or Jessica.

All in all it could have been a lot worse. My back should feel better in a few days. Honestly, when I hit, I thought I was going to be laying there waiting for Gabe to call 911. It was more of a shock than anything. It was hard getting up because I would try to plant my foot and it would slip again. I mean, it was REALLY slippery. Golly, I really hope these pain killers kick in soon.

December? Really???

Not only is it December, it is almost Christmas! Only 17 more day in 08! Time just seems to fly by now that I am getting oldish. It seems like just yesterday I was posting about how happy I was about Spring time and now it is almost Winter. Oh well.

We aren't doing anything too exciting for the holiday season. We will be heading north to see my parents and brother's family. Did I ever mention that I am an uncle now? Anyway, I'm sure there will be too much food and drink there and the kids will have Christmas #1 with my parents. Then, in between our work schedules, we will have another Christmas, this one actually on Christmas day, with Jessica's dad and his 'friend'. We will cook too much food and have too much drink. The fun part, of course, is watching how excited the kids get. It's strange, Ally is already questioning the existance of Santa Clause. She's three, remember? I guess she is scary smart. I'm not sure how she is figuring it out, but she is already skeptical. Weird, right? Gabe is cute though. He wrote letters to Santa for everyone. Yesterday I cut out some trees out of paper for the little kids to decorate. I think they enjoyed it. Gabe made big, more detailed decorations and Ally made little dot ornaments that covered the trees.

Last night was kind of fun. Gabe had a reading assignment to complete, so he read the book to me and then we answered some questions about the book. He amazes me when he reads. He know so many big words. I don't think I could read half as well and he can in 1st grade. I really think that early childhood education is much more advanced then when I was in school.

the Songs that Made The Cut

I can't find the post, but a while ago I asked people for ideas for songs for me to download from ITunes. 80's songs, specifically. Actually, I kind of wanted songs that reminded me of my younger years and were of a 'hair band' quality. You know, those cheesey 80's songs that you hate to love. Well, here are some of the songs that made the cut:

Radar Love - Golden Earring
Wait - White Lion
Runaway - Bon Jovi
We're Not Going to Take It - Twisted Sister
Youth Gone Wild - Skid Row
Tainted Love - Soft Cell
Should I Stay or Should I Go? - The Clash
What I Like About You - The Romantics
I Wanna Rock - Twisted Sister
Come on Feel the Noise - Quiet Riot
Love Song - Tesla
Final Countdown - Europe
Round and Round - Ratt
Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
The Way it Is - Tesla
Paradise By the Dashboard Light - Meat Loaf
Every Rose Has Its Thorn - Poison
Foreplay - Boston
Only Time Will Tell - Asia
Talk Dirty to Me - Poison

Questions? Comments? Did I miss any 'must have' music?

Fucked Up Dreams

I don't know why, but I have been having the most fucked up dreams lately. Fucked up. That is really the only way to describe it. Monday night is a bit fuzzy, but I distinctly remember Wayne Brady (from Who's Line is it Anyway and Don't Forget the Lyrics) in a superhero outfit, standing in a heroic pose in a bedroom. The weird part was there was a four post bed and the posts were fallic shaped. He was standing in front of one of them so that the post looked like a four foot tall erection. It was really quite funny, aside from the fact that I dreamed of a black man with a four foot boner coming at me. Now, it was NOT sexual, it was more like watching an episode of SNL.



Last night was the most fucked up dream that I can ever remember. It was kind of a fun dream, but fucked up. It was sort of in the Star Wars universe. Well, there were Jedi and Vader. I think I was one of the Jedi or a Han Solo type guy. We were attacking a Star Destroyer to rescue someone. The fucked up parts were: The Jedi had flaccid light sabres, so it was like they were whipping around rubber hoses. The ship we went back to was commanded and staffed by GI Joes. When we made the rescue and returned to the ship, the shouted "Yo Joe!" And when I returned to my quarters on the ship, there were two hot girls that wanted me to pleasure them.



I know what you are thinking. Both dreams probably have something to do with my sex life. Well, I don't want a black man (much less Wayne Brady) coming at me with a four foot cock. I also do not have problems with a 'flaccid light sabre'. Two hot girls at once would be ok, but I don't see that happening, what with me being overweight, almost middle-aged, and...oh yeah!....married. I guess sometimes a fucked up dream is just a fucked up dream.

Going Bowling

Ohio State is going to a BCS bowl again. I don't know if I am exactly thrilled about the match-up they drew though. Ohio State gets to go to the Fiesta Bowl to face snubbed the Texas Longhorns. Ohio State has done well in the Fiesta Bowl, winning the last three times they appeared. That is probably the main reason why they got the bowl berth. Ohio State fans travel well and generate big television ratings. I don't know if I like their chances of winning though. I always keep the faith and will cheer on the Buckeyes until the last tick of the clock, but the offense has struggled at times. On top of that, Texas should be in the Title game (in my opinion). They beat Oklahoma soundly, but for some reason, Oklahoma got invited to the ball. The Longhorns are going to take out their frustrations on the Buckeyes in a big way. Still, I will remain hopeful. Ohio States two losses came to the two teams matched up in the Rose Bowl and who both could also be considered for the BCS title game.

NetFlix fun

I talked a little about how I can watch netFlix movies and shows on my Xbox the other day. It is a really cool feature of the new Xbox Live format. You have to have a NetFlix membership though. Anyway, I started watching a show called Jericho using this feature the other day. Has anyone seen Jericho before? First, I was a little offended because I thought the show was calling me a ho. J-Eric-Ho. I know. Silly, right? Anyway, I was very suprised by Jericho. I also found the name of the show ironic. In the Bible, God had a beef with the walled city of Jericho and commanded Joshua to lay siege. At least I whink that is how the story goes. Anyway, the show Jericho is about a town that survives a nuclear holocaust. See why the name is ironic now? Not knowing how the whole show goes, I am half expecting the series finale to be called 'The Fall of Jericho.' As you can imagine, people have difficulty coping with the loss of major US cities and the loss of general luxuries (power, food, medicine, etc.) Plus, some of the unsavory people turn to criminal acts and underhanded practices. Like the store owner who startes charging $20 for water, for example. I won't get into the plot too much, but I am really enjoying the show so far. It is on NetFlix's 'watch instantly' list, so watch it online.

Thanks Woody

I have been meaning to use the new Xbox Live interface as a post, but I keep forgetting. His last comment gave me the reminder I needed. I totally missed the announcement that things were going to change for Xbox Live. Actually, I got the email from Xbox about the change the day after the new format was up on my Xbox. I am not too sure what I think about it. It looks like they ripped off the Wii a bit. You get to create an avatar who, as far as I can tell, just stands there while you browse the menu. It is a little strange to be honest. One of the things I am excited about is that I can watch stuff that is available to view online through Netflix on my Xbox. I just have to put some 'view it now' movies into my queue and my Xbox can find them through my network so that I can watch them on my TV upstairs. Granted, it is mostly old movies, but sometimes they have some good TV shows and B movies. Other than that, the new Xbox lay out seems like a whole lot of window dressing for the same old stuff. You can still do all of the same old stuff that you could do on the old interface. Still, it looks sharp and more high tech.

Other fun Xbox stuff is that I bought the new Call of Duty game and another game called Left 4 Dead. The COD game is pretty fun. The solo mission was pretty short, but we first person shooter buffs get COD for the multi player feature. There are some fun maps and neat changes. The best and worst thing is that, after killing seven in a row without dying, you get to call out the dogs. In the previous game, you would call out a helecopter. People can hide from a helecopter. You can't hide from the dogs. The new COD game is also much more graphic. When you hit a land mine, you get to watch your legs get blown off. Gross, but cool.

I got Left 4 Dead because I enjoyed Dead Rising so much. It is a zombie game. L4D is different from Dead Rising. You get to go around killing zombies, but you are limited to guns. No, swords or chain saws.....yet. Another difference is that the zombies in L4D are SCARY. They shamble around slowly, like traditional zombies, but when they see you or hear you, they get fast and run at you like in the new scarier zombie movies. One neat aspect is that you can play online with three of your friends. There are four characters in the game, and you can choose to play as any of them. The game tracks your kills, so you can compare stats with your killin' buddies. Fun stuff. It is a scary game though. I have jumped a few times when getting jumped by the undead.